When You Can’t Forgive

Coombs: At the beginning of this whole thing, the only way I knew how to love my enemy was to pray for him—so I did. I prayed good things for him, though it was counter-intuitive to everything I was feeling. I prayed God would change him. I prayed God would heal him. I prayed God would bring him to complete repentance. And I even prayed he would be transformed by the gospel to the extent that he would be motivated to live to the glory of God in prison, bringing many prisoners to know and serve Jesus. It was a pipe-dream prayer, I thought. I mean, I knew God could do it, but I honestly didn’t think He would. But then He did.

After I forgave, God brought him to his knees. All the blame-shifting, all the justification stopped. He began taking complete responsibility for what he had done, and he was repentant. Ever since that time, I have witnessed this man share the gospel of Jesus Christ subtly yet powerfully with his fellow inmates. Lives are changing in there. He truly is living to the glory of God in that prison.

SpiritLed Woman: Why do people often feel like forgiving someone means that person “got away”with the wrong they committed?

Coombs: I think a lot of people mistakenly think forgiving someone is saying what they did was OK, but it’s not. What that person did will never be OK. God does not take sin lightly, and neither should we. But God does call us to forgive. Forgiveness is not letting the person off the hook. It’s giving that person to God. It’s stepping down from the judgment seat, allowing God to take His rightful place as judge. God does not take sin lightly. Romans 12:19 says, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘Vengeance is Mine. I will repay,’ says the Lord.”Justice will be served. Our sins will be paid for one way or another, either by Jesus on the cross or by us.

SpiritLed Woman: What is at the heart of the message you share in your book?

Coombs: Hope is at the heart of my message. God truly has worked all things for good in my life. Romans 8:28 says, “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” The first part of Genesis 50:20 says, “But as for you, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many lives.” God brings good out of evil. Love out of hate. Peace out of despair. I believe it is His desire to do this for every one of us. You see, our pain won’t be wasted. We don’t have to sit in it. If we bring our pain, past and present, to God, He will redeem it.

SpiritLed Woman: What do you mean when you say your “pain won’t be wasted”?

Coombs: We all have wounds. Every one of us. My pain is no more valid than yours. I believe pain is pain, regardless of its cause. But here’s the thing: Jesus came that we might have life. Life to the full. He came to bind the brokenhearted. To proclaim freedom to the captives. To release prisoners from their darkness. To comfort all who mourn. To bestow a crown of beauty instead of ashes. In short, He came to redeem. To make us new.

Coombs: Jesus once said we will have troubles in this life, “But,” He said, “take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Troubles will come, pain will be felt, but our troubles and pain are not without purpose. God uses everything. Nothing goes to waste. If He allows something to take place, it is because He has a plan for it. There is absolutely nothing we can endure that won’t be used by God.
 
SpiritLed Woman: There are people who believe they will never be able to forgive people who have hurt them. What would you say to them?

Coombs: I would tell them they’re right. They can’t forgive the person who hurt them on their own. I had tried to will myself into a place of forgiveness and healing for more than a decade, only to fall to bitterness and anxiety and depression. Until we come to God for help, until we lay ourselves down before Him and are willing to do whatever it takes to forgive, we won’t be able to do it. True forgiveness is only possible by the grace of God.

SpiritLed Woman: You chose to begin Letters from My Father’s Murderer with Romans 13:12, which says: “The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us take off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.” Tell us about the significance of that Scripture to you.

Coombs: I was in such darkness before I came to Jesus, and as I came to faith, it honestly felt like I had been plucked out of a deep dark pit. The light of God shone in my life, and I felt alive, truly alive, for the first time in my life. Darkness flees in the presence of light, and to me, Romans 13:12 is a picture of salvation. It’s a picture of what happened to me and what I hope happens to every one of us.

After coming to faith and experiencing all I did throughout my correspondence with the man who murdered my dad, I finally felt free. The darkness of my past was in the past. I had cast off my sin and sins others committed against me and had put on the armor of light, which is Christ.

Learn more about Laurie Coombs and Letters From My Father’s Murderer at www.lauriecoombs.org and on Facebook (lauriecoombs), Twitter (lauriecoombs) and Pinterest (laurieacoombs).