6. Throw out the word “secret.” Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise. Surprises are joyful and generate excitement because in just a little while, something will be unveiled that will bring great delight. Secrets, in contrast, cause isolation and exclusion. When it becomes customary to keep secrets with just one individual, children are more susceptible to abuse. Perpetrators frequently ask their victims to keep things secret just between them.
7. Clarify rules for playing “doctor.” Playing doctor can turn body parts into a game. If children want to play doctor, you can redirect this game by suggesting using dolls and stuffed animals as patients instead of their own body. This way they can still use their doctor tools, but to fix and take care of their toys. It may take some time for them to make the shift, but just remind them gently that we don’t play games, such as doctor, with our bodies. If you find your child exploring his or her own body with another child, calmly address the situation and set clear boundaries by saying, “It looks like you and your friend are comparing your bodies. Put on your clothes. And remember, even though it feels good to take our clothes off, we keep our clothes on when playing.”*
8. Identify whom to trust. Talk with your kids about whom you and they trust. Then give them permission to talk with these trustworthy adults whenever they feel scared, uncomfortable or confused about someone’s behavior toward them.
9. Report suspected abuse immediately. Now that you’ve read these steps, consider yourself an advocate against childhood sexual abuse. Report anything you know or suspect might be sexual abuse. If you don’t, it’s possible no one else will.
*This post summarizes some portions of tip sheets from Stop It Now!, including dialogue.
Justin Holcomb is a minister and a professor at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. He has a Ph.D. in theology from Emory University and serves on the boards of REST (Real Escape from the Sex Trade) and GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments). He has authored, co-authored or edited more than 10 books.
Lindsey Holcomb is a former case manager at a sexual assault crisis center and a domestic violence shelter. She earned a Master of Public Health from Touro University.
Together, they helped co-found REST, and they conduct a variety of training seminars on how to prevent, recognize and respond to child, sexual and domestic abuse. They have also written a number of books together, including Is It My Fault? (2014) and Rid of My Disgrace (2011).
The Holcombs live in Orlando and are parents of two young children, for whom they wrote, God Made All of Me: A Book to Help Children Protect Their Bodies.
For more information about Justin and Lindsey Holcomb or God Made All of Me, visit godmadeallofme.com. You can also keep up with Justin on Facebook (justinholcomb) or follow the Holcombs on Twitter (@justinholcomb and @lindseyholcomb).
Janet Perez Eckles 
Shawn Akers 
Abby Trivett 
