Why Understanding Your Wife’s Heart Is Critical for Your Marriage

As a husband, it is not just my role to work and provide for my wife; I am also tasked by God to explore my wife’s heart and assist in leading her to live out her heart’s desires.

I don’t do this on my own, though. I do this mainly by faith and intentional effort. In other words, I need to be actively asking God and praying that He shows me how to take care of my wife’s heart. I must be actively looking for an understanding of it by watching her and learning tips from strong marriages that have gone before us.

Tending to my wife’s heart is really a twofold act on my part. It requires me to learn what her needs are and strive to meet them every day. This would include “female-specific” things such as loving, cherishing, pursuing, nourishing, embracing and so forth. And on the other side of the spectrum, I must be working to live out my “male-specific” things in the relationship, such as strength, support, reason, security, direction and leadership.

When it comes to loving your wife well, to keeping her spirit alive, you must provide both masculine and feminine support. Simply put, the husband who chooses to live by only one or the other won’t provide the necessary strength to make his marriage survive and thrive.

It’s easier said than done. Well, I know that might be what you’re thinking, but it’s really not. If you’re a husband who made vows to a wonderful woman, than you made a choice to figure this out. You made a choice to change your entire way of thinking in order to love this woman to the best of your ability!

I’m not saying you forget how to be a man; I’m saying you learn how to become a stronger man by living out your strengths and learning hers. In a sense, you are still a lion, but you must learn the strengths of the lamb.

The Strength of Your Nature

I’m a builder. I’m a slow and thoughtful decision maker. I’m problem solver. I’m typically not emotional. I work in harsh, fast and typically male environments. I work a lot and typically have a hard time stopping.

The paragraph above explains me. It not only tells you what I am interested in, but it also provides you with an in-depth look into my heart. Some of the things might sound bad to you, or some of them might relate directly to you. It depends on the strengths of your own heart.

The Strength of Learning Her Nature

My wife, on the other hand, has very different strengths, strengths that are not weaker, but different. She is a designer. She is able to process and make decisions much more quickly than me. She is more likely to discuss problems, and when she does, she has little interest in hearing my solutions. I know many of you can relate to that one. She is much more emotional. She spends most of her days around a boy toddler, and the other days are spent around people that work for our church.

As a husband, learning the strengths of her nature is important to me. It’s essential for me to be aware of her differences and embrace them. Her strengths are not weak; they are different. It’s not my job as a husband to change her, it is my job to recognize her differences and applaud them. The differences in her strengths has not only allowed me to learn from her, but it has allowed me an inside look in how to love her better!

What Combining These Strengths Will Do for You and Your Marriage

My wife needs me to be who I am. She needs the lion in me to be alive and present. She depends on it every day. But she wants me to know her needs. She needs me to be aware of the lamb-like qualities in her and embrace them. By embracing them, I empower her to be fully woman, which in return will empower me to be a stronger lion and better man.

Your role as husband is not as difficult if it is done with an open heart. A heart that allows you to be who you are, but also allows your wife to be who she is. Your marriage will thrive because you will be living according to your nature, the way God set it up to be. {eoa}

Manturity.com is a website written by men, for men. The goal of the site is to build more mature men spiritually and in their everyday circumstances. Please understand that the majority of the content written for Manturity is directed toward men. On rare occasions there will be articles written by women. These articles will be written in the context of helping men better understand a woman’s point of view and perspective.

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